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Anna Nicole: "A ghost, hung like a horse, a fing HUGE horse, would crawl up my leg and have sex with me at an apartment a long time ago in Texas. I was freaked out about it, but then I was like, 'Well, you know what? He's never hurt me and he just gave me some amazing sex,' so I have no problem.

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I magine the love-goddess Aphrodite fitted with silicone-swollen boobs, bloated by junk food, slowed down by pills and befogged by booze: that was Anna Nicole Smith, who is soon to wiggle, waddle and stagger across the stage of the Royal Opera House. Commissioning a new opera, Tony Hall, chief executive of the ROH, asked the composer Mark-Anthony Turnage to choose a contemporary subject, not some remote, ancestral myth. In the event, Turnage's Anna Nicole supplies both at once.

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From the glacial reserve of the receptionist sitting behind an imposing mahogany desk to the thick green carpets and the formal portrait of the late Mr Lewis himself, the very tone of the establishment assures you that, in company president Robert A Jones's phrase, it caters to Houston's "most distinguished families". But last 7 August the mortuary's seat chapel was the scene of a service unlike any other. In a casket covered in white roses and lilies and adorned with a banner reading "From Your Lady Love" lay J Howard Marshall II, the reclusive, year-old creator of one of Texas's largest petro-fortunes.

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We get the makeover montage of TV-melodrama dreams. Harron is a director as tender as she is morbid. Every photo shoot is a striptease, and every striptease is a musical number, culminating in a Marilyn Monroe-to-Rihanna medley with more real diamonds and fewer bras than a Cannes premiere.

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Top definition. Anna Nicole Smith Syndrome unknown. The desire to marry a man or woman who is older than your grandparents.

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